I fucking loved the monkey bars in
the playground as a kid. In my primary school there was a set
that seemed larger than what was at a circus and by
today’s standards, was
definitely illegal. I was never a big kid. In
fact I never really grew but used to hang out with the big kids.
Although my size did allow for some nimble moves while playing tag on
the bars it was my tongue that grew quicker than the rest. These
monkey bars seemed about 10 feet off the ground and went in four
directions like points on a compass. Whilst playing tag 10 ft in the
air if you dropped to the ground you were immediately 'it' and the
fun could only be ended by the school bell calling you back to
class.
I never knew about these monkey bars before.
I'd been at the school for 5 years and rarely been to this
corner of the yard but while wandering aimlessly one day they
appeared like a jungle gym oasis - not even ice cream cake at
a McDonald's birthday party came close to these bad
boys.
The discovery wasn't about the bars themselves but a group of friends that were made quickly. Sure, we had shared class before, maybe even a slice of ice cream cake here and there but they weren't the kids I would generally hang out with. These were the monkey bar kids (no relation to the 'Milky Bar Kid'). The monkey bars and the hidden pocket of the playground occupied my recess and lunch time for many weeks. Occasionally, my usual big kid friends would be drifting past during a huge school wide game of tag and stop to mock the fact I was hanging out on the bars. Kids can be so cruel.
Some time later, school camp was on the horizon and with it comes discussion on who you were going to share a room with. It was a natural choice - the monkey bar kids. It was a big day, the biggest of all. Grades 5 and 6 met in the Multi Purpose Room (used for school gym, dance hall, TV room and craft sales) for a camp briefing and to make your roomie selection official. There I sat with the monkey bar kids making and discussing plans for fart and water bomb tomfoolery when one of the big kids approached with an invitation to join their room.
There were three moments of pain that followed. The first is when I returned to the monkey bar kids to inform them of my broken promise and that I would be staying in the big kids’ room. Their feeling of betrayal was obvious. The second came on day one of camp when I walked into the big kids’ room and wished I hadn’t. I knew I was in for a long week. The third, a week after camp when I returned to the monkey bars and realised things had changed. I'd hurt my new friends and realised how my decision had become a mistake. Maybe for this story’s sake, at least it was a realisation of the type of mistake that impacts others and your relationship with them. The school bell had well? and truly rung.
Making mistakes that affect others are the hardest of all to deal with. It's not just your emotions to manage anymore but the knowledge that your actions have direct consequences on other parties and make you question what led you to that point in the first place. Once you reach that conclusion of the action process it becomes a process of acceptance in the hope to achieve forgiveness - both within yourself and the party you hurt.
We all stuff up at some point. Making mistakes is part of the growing process and unfortunately being a casualty is also. Learning from them is the hard part. And then, then you have to put that lesson into action (even harder). So what is the process of forgiveness and what is needed to achieve it?
For the victim, forgiveness of the aggressor can only come from within as you try and understand your own misjudgment and action process. As the victim you have the option of igniting an offensive flame that may never stop burning or challenge yourself to understand your aggressors’ action path and walk it with them.
From the perspective of the mistake maker, self acceptance of misjudgment is the first step to forgiveness, although this achievement may not come easily. Or does internal forgiveness manifest itself by exemplifying the lesson learned every day in your actions until it leads to the path to self redemption?
Either way, both paths to forgiveness are long and will continue to present themselves in some form, but it's whether you decide to take them.
The discovery wasn't about the bars themselves but a group of friends that were made quickly. Sure, we had shared class before, maybe even a slice of ice cream cake here and there but they weren't the kids I would generally hang out with. These were the monkey bar kids (no relation to the 'Milky Bar Kid'). The monkey bars and the hidden pocket of the playground occupied my recess and lunch time for many weeks. Occasionally, my usual big kid friends would be drifting past during a huge school wide game of tag and stop to mock the fact I was hanging out on the bars. Kids can be so cruel.
Some time later, school camp was on the horizon and with it comes discussion on who you were going to share a room with. It was a natural choice - the monkey bar kids. It was a big day, the biggest of all. Grades 5 and 6 met in the Multi Purpose Room (used for school gym, dance hall, TV room and craft sales) for a camp briefing and to make your roomie selection official. There I sat with the monkey bar kids making and discussing plans for fart and water bomb tomfoolery when one of the big kids approached with an invitation to join their room.
There were three moments of pain that followed. The first is when I returned to the monkey bar kids to inform them of my broken promise and that I would be staying in the big kids’ room. Their feeling of betrayal was obvious. The second came on day one of camp when I walked into the big kids’ room and wished I hadn’t. I knew I was in for a long week. The third, a week after camp when I returned to the monkey bars and realised things had changed. I'd hurt my new friends and realised how my decision had become a mistake. Maybe for this story’s sake, at least it was a realisation of the type of mistake that impacts others and your relationship with them. The school bell had well? and truly rung.
Making mistakes that affect others are the hardest of all to deal with. It's not just your emotions to manage anymore but the knowledge that your actions have direct consequences on other parties and make you question what led you to that point in the first place. Once you reach that conclusion of the action process it becomes a process of acceptance in the hope to achieve forgiveness - both within yourself and the party you hurt.
We all stuff up at some point. Making mistakes is part of the growing process and unfortunately being a casualty is also. Learning from them is the hard part. And then, then you have to put that lesson into action (even harder). So what is the process of forgiveness and what is needed to achieve it?
For the victim, forgiveness of the aggressor can only come from within as you try and understand your own misjudgment and action process. As the victim you have the option of igniting an offensive flame that may never stop burning or challenge yourself to understand your aggressors’ action path and walk it with them.
From the perspective of the mistake maker, self acceptance of misjudgment is the first step to forgiveness, although this achievement may not come easily. Or does internal forgiveness manifest itself by exemplifying the lesson learned every day in your actions until it leads to the path to self redemption?
Either way, both paths to forgiveness are long and will continue to present themselves in some form, but it's whether you decide to take them.
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