Barriers build muscle character

These fingers don't react the way I want them to. The way I want them to tell a story. It's been so long. It's been so long it's like they are angry at me for neglecting the process. The process of creation they were once use to. Muscle memory is not the memory you really think of. The process of freedom of expression. Fingers tip toe across the keys in an order they are not use to.  It's liberating to do so yet unsettling. They've missed the creation process. They've missed the warmth and comfort that the blank screen gives and the illuminated keys give. It's the honesty in purity. They've missed it and, I feel guilty for them.

I bought a desk and a chair recently. It took 8 months to get this desk and chair so I can hover above the keyboard to stretch my fingers over. Upon refection, the strain in my fingers helped me realise I needed them. 

Yet, and not too soon, I reflected upon the barriers of validation to exercise this expression. I put up barriers in the form of excuses in an attempt to justify the delay. 

There's no harm in it, it's a perfectly natural thing. We have learnt to put barriers up to protect ourselves. They come in many shapes and forms. We use them. We dispose of those in our way and, we ignore them. When they're you're own, they're that much more precious. Ever so precious. When they're your own they're just an innocent excusable barrier to oneself. Dismissible like a 6pm news piece. And that's where we draw the line. What makes our personal barriers more or less insignificant to the world around you? 

Thats a news-spot regardless, the 6pm news spot serves its purpose. The stable. The constant. With each key stroke together, each new stroke considers and begins to break down personal expectations, and we continue to break it down further, from expectations imposed on us by the language we speak to the tone. The volume. The affections. The sighs and even the highs. 

These mannerisms are a behavioural trait we cannot ignore. Where do these barriers come from? Were they our choice? Were they YOUR choice? Of course they were. Of course they were. Every decision we have made is ours: Recognise fool. 

Once we recognise the decision making process it becomes less difficult. And, it can be difficult at times. These decisions, although ill fated at times all serve their purpose for the process. Without these barriers we wouldn't have let the full course of the process run. After all, the process is yours and it should be celebrated. High 5 your friends. High 5 a stranger. Sit in a cafe and smile. All acts are displays of self. Dependant, dependant on the foregoing conclusions and challenges. 

There is no science. Only challenges. Only keys. Only spell check and sometimes shaky finger nervousness of speaking their mind.